I've had this post in my drafts for about two weeks now. Every time I start writing it I get stuck. It's not that I have particularly profound thoughts about this past summer. Rather, it was just odd enough that I haven't quite figured out how I feel about it. But I suppose that's the value in reflection: muddling through ambiguity until you reach some kind of answer.
It was neither the best summer of my life nor the worst; it seemed to pass in a series of ups and downs. I graduated from NYU in May and, as someone who has never handled change with the greatest ease, transitioning from college has been a struggle for me. Many of my closest friends still have a year left. (In fact, I recently watched them all return to the scheduled and yet, paradoxically, care-free university life). And while I know they're still my friends, there's a new distance that wasn't there before. Of course, it was to be expected. Not only did I move on from NYU, but I also physically moved out from my old apartment where I lived with some of my closest friends for the majority of my college life.
I've moved into a new apartment and started full-time at my job; I've felt lonely, and loved; I've cried, and I've laughed; and, I don't think I've ever been this confused. But — finally — the confusion is stabilizing. Which is not to say I know all the answers, but instead I'm becoming ok with not knowing.